(Needs – Wants – Preferences)
Welcome to part 2 of this month’s lesson. Now that you’ve acknowledged some habits and have been working on replacing them with better habits, part 2 will breakdown an area that when understood can really help you transform your habits into a more balanced way of living. For me personally working through needs, wants and preferences provided a massive benefit towards my own personal journey through addictions and bad habits.
The first area is Needs. Do you really understand what you attach to being a need? Of course we have certain needs that is to be expected, we need air, we need a roof over our heads, we need food and water, we also need connection and I also think it’s healthy to have more needs rather than just our survival needs, however let’s breakdown and understand what a need is. A need is something you can’t do without, and the story we attach to whatever this outside condition is creates the need, and because of our obsession created by self-rejection the needs just keep growing. If you have attached what you are telling yourself is something you need for a false survival then it’s more the need for it that creates the addiction rather than the item or event itself.
Secondly let’s look at wants, to want something is to desire it. The story attached to wanting something hasn’t the same heavy energy attached to it as a need does. Here is an example to help you understand this; say you have a friend who wants to catch up with you, deep down you don’t want to catch up with this person but you can’t see a way out of the catch up, you are talking to another friend and you say “I need to meet this person for lunch” even saying that you can feel how heavy it is. Why? Because you are telling yourself you don’t have a choice, when in truth you do, so the lie you tell yourself creates the heaviness as you’ve attached a false need. However if you were to catch up with a friend and you really want to meet with no lie attached then it is lighter and more enjoyable.
Last and which is the sweet spot of life, doing things that you prefer. Living a life of preference has no addiction to it at all, and when you do things you prefer to do you are very balanced and free from pressure. Of course I get it, we can’t always do the things we prefer to do all the time, however have we created too many needs that are pressured and bad habit based because we haven’t sorted out what is a genuine need. We have things that we want and desire in life and have things that we just prefer to do, so this week’s lesson is for you to sort out and refocus your own needs, wants and preferences.
Rejection leads to obsession.
Obsession leads to habits.
Habits lead to addictions.
- List as many things as you’ve told yourself are things that you need to do and be as honest as you can. Have you told yourself things like the traffic needs to be quiet going to work or you’ll have a bad day, when in truth you want, is really just a want of better flowing traffic and you are telling yourself that you need it like it’s some sort of survival event.
- Once you have your list of what you’ve told yourself are your own honest needs, challenge them, look over the list and ask yourself, is this really something that is a need or is it just the story you’ve told yourself? Remember having a need carries a heavier energy than wants and preferences, so make sure all that’s in your needs are genuine needs.
- Now you have your honest needs list, start creating a list of things that you want, feel how when you focus on these things as want’s the energy becomes so much lighter. Easy one, saying to yourself, I need to go to the gym, the mind says no you don’t, you can stay in and eat chocolate, however if you tell yourself that you really want to go to the gym, same event, less addiction and more energy towards keeping up the better habit.
- The more false needs that you have created that you can turn into better wants, the more balanced and energetic you will feel. Turning needs into wants is an amazing process to follow.
- The outcome of being honest with what is a real need, by working towards doing things that you want to do there is less addiction and more drive, in time even your wants will become things that you just prefer to do, and like I said above, a person who lives more of a life of preference, is a very balanced and happier individual.
Something I like to remind myself of often is there are so many things you tell yourself that you need, when you truth is you don’t. Start being honest with yourself more and do the things you want to do before it’s too late, and be the person you prefer to be living the life you prefer to live.
Every habit that is more in alignment with your soul is a step closer to your own self-acceptance.
Good luck and please update the Facebook group and accountability ladder if you feel drawn to as I love to read your comments. Enjoy this week’s lesson and remember to aim for progression not perfection.
I will see you all for live coaching which will be 7.30pm UK time Wednesday via your subscribers closed group page.